Desire
by xSakuraBlossom
Summary: "I didn't like Momo. I couldn't like him. He had a girlfriend already. And yet, I couldn't help wondering what might have been." Ryoma likes Momo, but Momo is dating Ann. What will happen? Rated T for language, implied sex, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own PoT. Now go find someone else to get your fix.

Desire

Contrary to popular belief, I didn't like Momo.

I couldn't like him. He had a girlfriend already.

Maybe if he hadn't been dating Tachibana Ann, then I'd like him. But he was already in a relationship. I wasn't gonna destroy that for my own so-called love.

And yet, I couldn't help wondering what might have been.

.::..::.

I don't like him. I don't like him. I kept repeating this mantra in my head as I watched Momo play against Kaidoh in practice. It was becoming harder and harder to believe myself.

His eyes were sparked with fury, revealing deep passion in their depths. His face was flushed with anger, and I wondered briefly if he got that worked up in bed. Then I mentally berated myself. I couldn't like Momo. He was taken already.

Besides, I shouldn't have been thinking those thoughts about anyone.

Then Kawamura's serve sped by me, and I forced myself to focus on my own game. I would not drink Inui's evil juice again.

.::..::.

Well, thanks a lot, Momo. I lost my match, due to certain distractions. After drinking Inui's dark red juice, I felt positively green. No matter how much water I gulped, it didn't help wash away the aftertaste a single bit.

Sighing, I strode into the change room, starting to pack up. As soon as I got home, I was going to challenge my dad just to give myself some confidence. I was getting better, but not during school practices.

I zipped up my bag and turned to go. Just as I was about to leave, Momo got up. "Hey, Ryoma, you look a bit green. Go home and take a good rest, kay?" He pulled me into a one-armed hug. I hesitated, but hugged him back tentatively. His cheek pressed against mine, and I could feel my face heating up. Hastily, I pulled away. "All right, whatever you say." I waved carelessly as I walked out of the change room.

As soon as I got a good distance away, I stopped, feeling hot tears pricking at the back of my eyes. "Dammit," I muttered as the first one started to fall. "Momo already has a girlfriend. What's he doing hugging me?" Another followed the first. "Fuck, stop crying already. He probably doesn't mean anything by it. Like, friends can hug each other, right? Besides, it was a one-armed hug. It probably was just because I looked a bit green or something."

I couldn't stop the tears. What was Momo thinking? He was in a relationship, he shouldn't be hugging other guys. But I couldn't place all the blame on Momo. He couldn't possibly know my feelings, so I couldn't accuse him of toying with me, of leading me on. He didn't even know that I liked him.

I started to walk again, tears still wet on my face.

I could still feel the warmth of his cheek against mine.

.::..::.

It happened today after practice.

Momo had been down all day. He didn't even rise to one of Kaidoh's insults, just stared at Kaidoh sadly.

There was something bitter in his expression. I couldn't understand it. I'd never seen him like that before.

I didn't talk to him though. I didn't want a repeat of that hug that left me in such turmoil last time.

Despite that, after practice, Momo came to find me instead. He asked me to stay behind a bit to talk. I couldn't exactly refuse him when he looked so down. I agreed, despite my misgivings.

Everyone else left the change room eventually, Oishi staring at us curiously as he did so. As soon as the door shut, Momo took a deep breath, as though steeling himself for what he was going to do.

He said quietly, "Ryoma, come here for a moment." He was on the bench; I walked so I was standing right in front of him. "Sit down?" he patted the bench space beside him. Gingerly, I sat down, uncomfortably aware of the fact that this left very little space between us.

"Ryoma…" I hadn't heard this tone from Momo before. It sounded weird. And a little scary. "Uh… Momo… are you feeling ok?" He just looked at me. There was something in his eyes that made my mouth dry, but also made my heart race in anticipation.

Softly, he said, "I would be if I hadn't seen you playing that match against Fuji. Now… I have a bit of… a problem. Since you caused it, shouldn't you take responsibility for it?"

I didn't understand quite yet what he meant. But it soon became evident. Momo leaned over and kissed me.

His lips were warm, a bit dry, and firm. My own mouth was completely relaxed in shock. I'd never expected anything like this to happen. He took advantage of that and slipped his tongue inside my mouth. Crazily, I wondered if he could taste the remnants of Inui's stupid juice in my mouth. That would be just plain embarrassing.

My mind was screaming. This shouldn't have been happening. After all, Momo was in a relationship. He was dating Ann. He was into girls. There were so many reasons this was wrong, but all of that faded in the light of the one reason it was right.

I loved him.

So all my thoughts dissipated as our kiss deepened, as our clothes managed to fall to the floor, as we became one.

.::..::.

Why. How could I let it happen. Why didn't I stop it. I didn't know. But I knew that even if it happened again, I wouldn't stop it next time either. Because some part of me, some selfish, foolish part of me, craved Momo's touch. And I wouldn't push it away, even if all my morals were against it.

Lying on my bed, staring blindly at the dark ceiling of my room, I felt a tear roll out of my eye. I whispered softly, so softly even I couldn't hear, "I'm sorry, Ann…"

I couldn't stop myself. I'm so weak. Every time this happened, I ended up crying in shame.

Despite that, I still gave in, and cried out in pleasure as Momo brought me to a swift and satisfying climax.

Once again, I participated in a clandestine relationship with Momo behind Ann's back. They were dating. Why did Momo come to me?

At that point, I didn't even care. All I had ever wanted was for Momo to notice me, and not just as friends. I'd gotten that. Who cared how it came about?

Turned out that I did care. Eventually. When I found out the truth behind the whole matter.

"Hey, Ryoma, thanks a lot for going along with me, but I won't be seeing you like this anymore." I looked up, stunned. I didn't understand. "What… what do you mean?" He blinked at me. "Well, I meant all of this sex and stuff. Thanks for going along with me, but it won't happen again." I winced at the casual way he summed up our relationship. Was that really all it was for him?

"What did you mean by going along with you?" He shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, it's not like I expected you to actually like me. So thanks for participating in the relationship anyways. And not being disgusted when I kissed you and stuff. So thanks for going along with me." I could feel my heart breaking. I didn't fully understand yet, but it was slowly becoming clear. "And why aren't you going to see me anymore?" I asked softly.

"Well, I guess I should explain why I started doing this in the first place. See, Ann was cheating on me with Kamio, the fucking bastard. Anyways, to get revenge, I decided to cheat on her. You happened to be there, so yeah. Then Ann found out, we talked, she agreed to stop cheating if I would. Since I only cheated on her to get revenge, it wasn't too hard for me to agree. So, that's the full story."

Damn him. Damn him for making me think that we actually had something there. Damn him for making me go against all my morals just for some stupid revenge plot he came up with. Damn him for stringing me along and then breaking my heart. Damn him.

My heart shattered, sharp shards ripping into the rest of my body, tearing great wounds within me. I stood abruptly. "Ok, Momo, fine. We won't see each other again." I strode purposefully towards the door.

Just as I reached the door, I couldn't help pausing. Briefly, I thought back to that first time, when Momo had given me that one-armed hug. I couldn't help wondering what might have been if, maybe, just maybe, he had meant it. And I knew that if he did the same thing now, I would forgive him just like that. I would run into his arms and hug him tightly. I wouldn't care who he was dating. All that would matter was the moment.

He didn't move. All he did was say casually, "See you around, Ryoma." I shut my eyes tightly, willing the tears not to fall.

As I left, in a quiet whisper to myself, I finally said the words that nobody would ever hear.

"I love you, Momo. I love you…"

And the tears started to fall.

A/N: Wow, angst. Uh… I actually wrote this based on something in rl, but then realized that it's also a jealous!Ryoma angst, which is something suna90 asked for a while ago. So, here you go! Oh, and please review! Tell me if maybe I should continue it… but if I do, all that's going to happen is that Ryo is gonna suicide again… so yeah. Also, any ideas for a new name…? Anyways… feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own TeniPuri or anything to do with it.

A/N: Presenting… the (not-so) long awaited sequel to Desire! A lot of people have been asking for it, and I will do my best to deliver! And NO CHARACTER DEATH! *gasps* (at least at this point in time.) Also, the remainder of the story will be written from Momo's point of view.

A/N 2: Ok… this looks like it'll be a lot longer than I expected. Might even turn out to be a few chapters… *gasps again*

Desire Ch. 2

*Momo's POV*

"Ann you bitch!" I screamed, feeling a tear slide down my face. "Didn't we agree not to cheat any more? What more do you want from me? Didn't we say that we loved each other, that it was really a misunderstanding? I never wanted to cheat on you! So why are you leaving me? Why are you doing this to me?"

She glared at me, her eyes filled with sharp anger. "Yes, we agreed not to cheat any more. Which is exactly why I'm breaking it off with you," she stated clearly.

My mind stopped. I didn't quite understand it. "What?" I asked, hoping I had misheard.

She repeated, "I'm not going to cheat any more. So I can't see you again." She smirked. "It's funny, really. You didn't even know that I was in a relationship with Akira before you asked me out. He was getting too cocky, so I thought I'd teach him a lesson. Really, I've been cheating on Akira with you, not the other way around. And since we agreed not to cheat any more… it comes to reason that I have to break it off with you."

Her cruel grin only grew wider as she saw the disbelief in my face. "I'd best be going now. Akira's probably waiting for me. He almost didn't let me see you this one last time, you know? Well, bye. See you around, Takeshi~" With a jaunty wave and a saucy flip of her hair, Ann walked out of the restaurant, leaving me alone at my table, heart shattered into pieces on the carpeted floor.

Still shocked by what had just happened, I realized that she had also walked out on the bill. How fitting that I would pay for our last date, just as I had paid for the first, and the second, and all the other ones in between. Numbly, I pulled out a couple of bills, tossing them onto the table as I stood and made my way out of the restaurant. I could almost feel the eyes of the other patrons boring holes in my back.

Outside, I took a deep breath, feeling my heart stutter with pain. Bitterly, I wondered if this was perhaps what they called "karma". I'd never experienced it before. But it didn't make sense, I thought sadly. It wasn't like Ryoma had liked me or anything. Sure, he was probably annoyed that I was just using him, but he wouldn't feel as broken as I did now. So it wasn't karma…? If that was the case, then it was just Fate being a bitch.

Not like it mattered anyways. Whatever the reason, it didn't change the fact that my heart was aching. Probably had a few cracks in it too, I thought bitterly.

I really had loved Ann. We were kind of a weird couple, always disagreeing about stuff and flirting with others in front of each other. But even if everyone else didn't realize it, we were just teasing each other, trying to get each other to show our jealousy, our true feelings.

Then again, maybe that was just me. Maybe Ann had really just been flirting for the sake of picking up yet another guy. I wondered how many other guys she'd broken it off with, for the same reason she'd dumped me. I could almost imagine her heading to another restaurant right now to meet with another nameless boy to break it off with him. Inexplicably, the scene in my head made me smirk bitterly.

Laughing mirthlessly to myself, I started to run. I couldn't stay still any longer. Chuckles dropped insanely from my lips as I raced through town, startling people as I brushed past. I had to run, run away from the terrible situation I'd found myself in, run from the knowledge that I had lost my love. Finding myself in a public park, I dropped exhaustedly to my knees, falling flat on my back as breathless wheezes of laughter continued bubbling up from my throat. I couldn't understand why I was laughing. There was no reason to be laughing. Ann, the girl that I loved, had left me. She had never really been mine in the first place.

That was when the laughter stopped, and tears started to fall from my eyes. Making a 180-degree about face, I suddenly started to cry. Pulling myself into a sitting position, I hugged my knees tightly against my chest, rocking slightly back and forth as I bawled like a child. If anything, crying was even more useless than the laughter. At least while I was laughing, nobody would really know I was broken inside. The tears just showed how weak I was.

Despite that, I couldn't stop the stream of tears as they flowed down my cheeks. I missed Ann already. I wanted her back. I wanted to see her again, hold her tightly in my arms, never let her go. I wanted to beat Kamio up.

Through my tears, I realized someone was above me, holding something out towards me. "Dude, you look like you need a smoke. Wanna drag?" I blinked, the something coming into focus.

"Is that a cigarette?" I asked, blinking some more. I'd never thought of smoking before. I thought the smoke smelled terrible, personally. Besides, wasn't smoking supposed to give you cancer or something?

The guy nodded, placing the cigarette at his own lips before holding it out to me again. "It helps you forget sometimes," he said helpfully. "Takes away the pain."

It sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Seized with a sudden impulse, I grabbed the cigarette, stuffing it harshly between my own lips. It was slightly damp from the other guy's spit, but I didn't care. I wanted escape from this hell.

I took a huge breath, then broke down coughing. Well, I thought cynically. That was one way to forget- die. From smoke inhalation. How pathetic could I get?

The guy laughed at me, rather than helping me regain my breath. "Dude," he said, dragging the word out. "You don't smoke like that. You take a long, _slow_ breath. Here, gimme that." He grabbed the cigarette back, demonstrating the proper technique. "Like that, all right? Try it," he told me, handing the cigarette back.

This time, I took it slower, letting the drug-rich fumes enter my lungs slowly. The chemicals went straight to my brain, and I let out a small breath, surprised by the heady effects. "Wow," I said, staring in delight at the tiny stick in my hand. Who knew such a small thing could have such a great effect? Emboldened by my success, I took another drag, more expertly this time, savoring the feeling of oncoming bliss.

"Yeah, that's it," I muttered. "Thanks, dude." I could already feel the drugs taking effect, slurring my words, dulling my senses. Damn, that was good. The guy hung around for a bit more, hoping to get his cigarette back, but there was no way I was going to give up my new-found best friend. He finally gave up, pulling out another cigarette and walking away as he lit it up.

I let out a satisfied smile as I puffed on the cigarette, feeling my worries float away with the clouds of smoke I exhaled. The floating, carefree feeling the smoke gave me seemed to clear my head, calm me down. I sighed in delight, loving the sense of bliss.

A searing sensation shot through my fingers, causing me to drop the cigarette in surprise. Blinking, I stared down at the cigarette stub on the ground. It was too short for me to smoke anyways. Shrugging, I turned to go. The cigarette had helped loads. I no longer missed Ann much at all. It didn't hurt any more. Thankful for the lack of feeling, I was finally able to smile as I made my way home.

Thank goodness it was Saturday, I thought as I slid back into the house. I would have Sunday to recover a bit more, then on Monday I'd be fit to go to school again. Nobody would ever have to know about what had happened.

Yawning, I arose early on Sunday morning. Since Nationals were over, there was no tennis practice during weekends anymore, but I'd gotten into the habit of rising early. Smiling, I reached for my phone to text Ann good morning.

My hand froze over my phone as suddenly I remembered yesterday's events. Pain wrenched through me once again as I remembered her cold face as she told me goodbye. I shut my eyes as I heard her voice echoing in my head. _"Yes, we agreed not to cheat any more. Which is exactly why I'm breaking it off with you."_

It was like a knife stabbing into my chest. I curled up on the bed, tears streaming incessantly from my eyes. Why did she have to do this to me? I loved her. I loved her so much. Yet I was nothing to her, just a toy for her to play with on the side. That was all our relationship had been- a game.

Sobbing silently in my room, I wanted desperately to forget. I'd heard somewhere that alcohol did wonders. But I wasn't old enough to get alcohol, and neither of my parents drank. Where was I going to get some?

Then I remembered the cigarette I'd smoked yesterday. Hadn't that helped a ton? I could find a cigarette. And those were much easier to find than alcohol. Nobody cared if a kid smoked. But if he had a bottle in his hand, the police would be on them like flies.

I ran hard to the park I'd been to yesterday. I was panting by the time I arrived. Man, it was further than I thought. I must have run really, really far yesterday.

Scanning the park for the man that had given me the smoke yesterday, I was disappointed to see he wasn't there. That would mean I'd have to look somewhere else.

I plopped down on a bench. I didn't even have a way of forgetting my pain now. I had nothing. Ann had left me. Oh wait, that wasn't right. We were never really together in the first place. Gripping the edge of the bench hard, I bent my head and shut my eyes tightly, hoping to seal in the tears. In my own room, I could cry. But I couldn't cry in public. It was shameful.

Despite my best efforts, the tears leaked out, rolling slowly down my face and blurring my vision. Why was I so weak? I couldn't even prevent myself from crying. It hurt so much. Why did it hurt so much? It shouldn't have hurt so much. I'd really loved her, but she hadn't loved me. Somewhere, somehow, I had already known that. So why did it still hurt so much?

Giving in, I pulled my knees up and hugged them tightly to my chest. Resting my forehead on my knees, I started to cry harder, letting the tears flow freely from my eyes. In moments, the fabric of my pants was soaked. I'd look ridiculous walking back home, but I didn't care. It hurt. It hurt way too much for me to care.

Someone tapped me on my shoulder. I waved them away. I wanted to cry, but I wanted to cry in peace. Leave me alone, I wanted to say, but my throat was choked up from the tears.

"Hey, dude, you need a smoke?" Abruptly, my tears stopped. My head snapped up to see that guy from yesterday standing before me. "Dude, you look like hell. You should've bought some cigarettes yesterday. Then you wouldn't be so sad now."

In a hoarse, quiet voice, I whispered, "Can you give me one now?" I really wanted that smoke. He'd shocked me out of crying for now, but it still hurt like hell. I still couldn't forget the pain of Ann dumping me like that.

He rolled his eyes. "Dude, cigarettes cost money. If you want any more, you gotta pay me. It's $3 per cigarette, dude."

It was probably crazy expensive, but I didn't care. I dug into my pockets and pulled out the required amount. He took the change and handed me a cigarette. "Here, I'll even light it for you."

As soon as I got the first lungful of drug-filled smoke, I relaxed. Sighing in relief, I let out the smoke, feeling the pain drift away once more. The numbing effects of the cigarette sank in, and I no longer felt the pain of the breakup. Did it count as a breakup if we were never together, I wondered absently. It didn't even hurt to think about it now.

Damn, but those cigarettes were good. I definitely had to get some more, in case I wasn't able to get over it fully soon enough. I definitely couldn't let anyone else see my weakness, especially not at school.

A twinge of guilt still managed to reach through the numbness. Ryoma. I'd hurt him terribly, hadn't I? If I hurt this much from breaking up with Ann, he had to have experienced at least some pain when I'd told him it was over. I'd assumed that it was just something to pass the time with him as well, but hadn't I been devastated when Ann ended her game with me? What if Ryoma was facing a similar kind of pain?

I couldn't let him know that it was all for nothing, now could I? All the more reason to hide this breakup from him, the regulars, and everyone else. I definitely needed some cigarettes so I could hide my pain.

Well, maybe I'd be able to last for the rest of the day without a cigarette. I really needed to get over Ann so that it didn't hurt even without a cigarette to help me. But I'd still get some just in case.

"Hey, where do you get your cigarettes?" I asked my benefactor. He didn't say anything, since he had another cigarette in his mouth, but he pointed towards the corner store nearby.

"They don't ask for ID," he said after he'd taken out the cigarette. "But it's a bit more expensive than normal cigarettes would cost. On the other hand, they're the only place you can probably get a cigarette, since you're underage and all."

I nodded, keeping the cigarette in my mouth as I left him, waving casually over my shoulder. He was nice, I reflected cheerfully. He'd helped me out twice now, though he'd charged quite a lot for the cigarette. Ah well. He'd also given me valuable advice on where to get my own cigarettes.

As I strode into the store, I checked my pockets quickly. I only had a $20 on me. It was all I had left of my allowance. Sighing slightly, I turned towards the counter, spotting the cigarettes behind the cashier. "Uh, which are the cheapest cigarettes you have?"

The guy pointed lazily at one of the brands. "That one's 19 bucks. You want it?"

I let out a sigh as I passed over the last of my money. "Yeah. Thanks, dude." I muttered as he tossed a loonie onto the table. I hurriedly slid it into my pocket along with the pack of cigarettes. It was all I had now.

Well, at least I had my safety net now. If it ever got to be that I couldn't take the pain, I'd have a cigarette with me so that I wouldn't fall into despair. That had to be better than committing suicide, right?

I was still hoping I wouldn't need them. After all, cigarettes were addictive, right? I didn't want to get addicted. Maybe 2 was ok, but any more would be pushing it. Heck, I might already be addicted and didn't know it.

Nah, I wasn't addicted. I wasn't craving another one when I'd just finished the first one. I was just fine, I decided.

Well, other than the fact I was broke, I was just fine. I winced as I realized that I was out of money already. That wasn't good. I'd get my allowance in 2 weeks. I could only hope that my one dollar- and these cigarettes- would last that long.

A/N: Wow, long, long chapter for me. I just couldn't really find another place to end it. Don't know how long the others will be though.

Anyways, hope you liked~  
Also, updates will be slow. I only posted this because so many people were asking for the next installment. Future chapters will be a long, long time in coming (but that may be changed if people are eager for the next part ^^)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Ok, I decided I'd update again, even though I'm not done the next chapter yet. Ah well. xDDD I'll try my best to update *marginally* faster… Sorry for the long wait!

Ch. 3

I could remember the numbness that the cigarettes had given me, so the pain wasn't that bad when it finally hit that night. I just focused on that nothingness I had felt when I had a cigarette, and I was able to prevent myself from breaking down again. It still hurt whenever I thought of Ann and the breakup, but I was able to hide my pain better now. That was good. Maybe I wouldn't need my safety net at all. I certainly hoped not.

But just in case, I kept the cigarettes on me when I went to school the next day. Who knew when I might see something that would remind me of Ann. Or when I might have a random breakdown. Those things happened, you know.

Tennis practice first thing in the morning didn't do much good for me. I was still feeling stressed thanks to… the events of the weekend… so I wasn't performing my best. Buchou got annoyed and sent me to do 50 laps. He said it would wake me up. I just got more tired.

By the time I made it to my first class, I was exhausted. My stamina had gone down the drain. Maybe it was because of what had happened this weekend- the stress had gotten to me. Or maybe it had something to do with those cigarettes I'd had. I didn't think just 2 of them would destroy my lungs, but who knew?

Sighing, I contemplated the pop quiz in front of me. I hated English classes, especially this early in the morning. English and my brain didn't seem to mix well. Sometimes I really wished Echizen was in my class. Then I could cheat off him and his American skills.

The quiz was simple, really; just a list of terms that we had to translate into English. I scribbled down a few answers and hoped that some of them were right. It was all I could do. Leaning back, I stared at the last question. "Restaurant".

Instantly, memories of the restaurant Ann had dumped me at rose up in my mind. Pain incapacitated me so I could barely breathe. Suddenly unable to take the stifling atmosphere of the classroom, I bolted from my seat, startling my classmates when I fled out the door. I could faintly hear the teacher yelling after me, but I ignored her, running nonstop until I was out of the school building.

I sprinted all the way to the soccer field before I stopped, falling breathlessly to the soft green grass. My eyes were burning with the effort of keeping the tears back. I couldn't believe that I wanted to cry again. It was so weak of me. Was I really that weak, that I still needed to cry over something that had happened 2 days ago? Was I so weak that I still loved a girl that had never loved me?

As I thought that, I knew I'd crossed the line. A single tear slid from my eye. She had never loved me…

Swiftly, I pulled out my cigarettes. Using the lighter I'd swiped from the house that morning, I lit it up, taking a drag as soon as possible. Immediately, I felt calmer, and the flow of tears stopped. Letting out a relieved sigh, I took another, more leisurely lungful of nicotine as I felt my pain melting away again. I liked the feeling of going numb.

Not only that, but if I focused a bit more, I realized that my thinking seemed a bit sharper. I could remember things that I couldn't before. Like the translation for "Restaurant", for instance. I also didn't feel that tired any more. I felt… energized, kind of, but still calm and relaxed. I didn't know how that worked, but that was the way I felt.

It felt… good. The cigarette was doing wonders. I loved it. Maybe I should just smoke one before each test, I thought eagerly. Then I would be sure to do great on them. I would be able to study all night, then come in, smoke a cigarette, and be fully energized and have a better memory to boot. It was a great plan.

… other than the fact I didn't have very many cigarettes, and I needed them to help me forget Ann. Perhaps I'd have to do something else to forget her? Alcohol did seem to work wonders. But I hadn't tried, and I didn't think there was any way I could try. Or at least, not yet.

Well, it was about time to head back, actually. I didn't really feel like going back to class, but skiving off half of English was already pushing it. If my parents found out I was skipping any more classes, they'd kill me.

I arrived back at the school just in time to make it to Socials class. What with the events of the weekend, I'd completely forgotten about the test we had scheduled that day. Fortunately for me, the cigarette's effects were still there. I was able to remember more than half of the facts- most of which I didn't know I knew. It was crazy. It was wonderful. It was going to bring my marks way, way up. Not that that's saying much, considering I was close to failing Socials before.

Delighted, I handed in my test almost eagerly. As I walked out the door, the teacher commented, "Not eating in class today, Momoshiro-kun?"

Now that he mentioned it, I wasn't feeling hungry at all. Most of the time, I'd end up eating my lunch during his class due to hunger. But today, I'd lasted through his class without feeling hungry, and still no pangs of hunger wracked my stomach. I shrugged, slightly perplexed. Where had my infamous appetite gone?

Well, it was all right, I supposed. I could always do with a bit of weight loss. Skipping lunch once in a while wouldn't kill me.

I went outside instead to wander around the campus. Most of the time, during lunch, I'd be inside stuffing my face. Now I had time to walk around and relax a bit. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, I strolled slowly towards a stand of trees in one corner of the school property.

To my surprise, I could hear voices. Drawing closer, I realized they were the upper classmen, or at least a few of them. There were 5 of them sitting there, 2 girls and 3 guys, laughing and chatting with each other. But the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that they were passing around a cigarette cheerfully, and they appeared to have several bottles of beer beside them.

Before I knew it, I had stepped into the small clearing and said, "Hey, mind if I join you?" They all looked up, glanced at each other, and seemed to agree on something.

One said, "Do what you like. Wanna smoke?" And he held the cigarette out towards me.

I shook my head calmly. "I already had one this morning," I explained when they looked a bit bewildered. "But I haven't drunk anything yet today. Could I have a beer?"

One of the girls laughed. "Oh, I see. He just wants some of our booze," she giggled. "Here, take mine. I don't really feel like drinking anymore. Someone pass me the cigarette," she ordered even as she passed me her half-empty beer bottle.

I stared distrustfully at the amber liquid in the bottle. Was it really going to help? Well, wouldn't hurt to try, now would it? Throwing caution to the winds, I tossed my head back and downed the beer in one go. The others, watching avidly, let out a cheer as I finished the beer, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. It tasted a bit bitter, but kinda good. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not yet.

"Hey, you're a natural! You've drank beer before, of course?" The other girl asked gleefully. I shook my head, and she gasped dramatically.

"Oh my! It was your first time? That's incredible! You'll join us in future, right? We'd love to have you here with us during lunches," she gushed. I glanced around nervously, but nobody seemed to have a problem with it. Cautiously, I nodded.

"Perfect! Ne, what's your name? I'm Tsukihiro Maya," she added. "Just call me Maya."

I answered, "I'm Momoshiro Takeshi. You can call me Momo."

This time, Maya's friend, the other girl, gasped. "Wait, aren't you that second year on the tennis team? The rascal of Seigaku or something?" I nodded again, proud that my reputation preceded me even to the third years.

"Oh wow!" she exclaimed. "I'm Mitsuki Youko. I've been a big fan of yours since you got on the team!" I smiled at her, glad that she liked my tennis.

The three guys were quick to introduce themselves as well. I was soon acquainted with Ookina Ginta, Suzuki Shiro, and Watanabe Susumu. As I had thought, all five of them were 3rd years.

We continued chatting there long past the bell for school. When I finally noticed the time, it was almost 2:30. Horrified, I shot up. "We're totally late for class! I should go. I already missed class this morning…"

To my surprise, they started laughing. "Oh, sit down, Momo. Nobody cares if we skip school. Heck, I haven't been to class in almost a month!" Ookina boasted.

"That's nothing! I haven't been in nearly 3 months!" Watanabe shot back.

"Oh, shut up, both of you! I haven't set foot in a classroom since the start of this school year." Maya told them. That did shut them both up.

"Besides," Youko said to me, "There's only half an hour of school left. There's no point in going now."

I decided she had a point, and sat back down. After the last half hour passed, I stood, said my goodbyes, and headed towards the tennis courts. I cheerfully promised that I'd meet them again tomorrow.

As I walked to the courts, I finally realized that these were the rebels of the school. The people my parents had always wanted me to stay away from. The people that ended up in jail as soon as they got out of school. The bad side.

But, as people often say, "Join the dark side. We have cookies." But in this case, the dark side had cigarettes and booze. Which was far more appealing than the cookies.

Tennis practice went terribly that afternoon as well. I couldn't see as well as I usually could, and most of my shots were wide off the mark. Not only that, but I couldn't seem to focus my power. I'd put all my energy into one swing, and the ball would barely clear the net. It was even worse than morning practice. Annoyed again by my failures, Tezuka sent me to do more laps. The nicotine was wearing off, and I was feeling tired again. After I finished my laps, I really couldn't move at all. It took me the rest of practice to recover.

As I lay at the side of the courts, Echizen approached me. "Momo… are you all right? You're a lot more tired than normal…" I blinked up at him, and pain ripped through my chest, driving away the last traces of nicotine that had kept me going. Seeing him reminded me of my crime, and the breakup.

Harshly, I snarled, "Just leave me alone," and I shoved him away. Ignoring the slight twinge of guilt at his hurt face, I stood, albeit unsteadily, and walked away from the tennis courts. I was in no condition to continue playing tennis.

I needed a smoke. I needed to calm down, focus. I needed to forget my pain again.

Grabbing my stuff from the changeroom, I left the school, lighting up as I exited the gates. I walked home instead of riding my bike- I had to finish the cigarette before I got home.

As I smoked, I thought about what I was doing. I was turning into a rebel. I had skipped school, I'd run out on practice, and I was smoking way too many cigarettes. I wondered if I was addicted. It was quite possible. I was smoking several a day now. But it wasn't because I craved a cigarette, I argued. It was because I needed the cigarette to help me through the pain. Once it didn't hurt any more, then I wouldn't need the cigarettes. I decided that I was still safe. I could continue using my safety net.

But I was fast running out. In just one day, I'd smoked 2 of my cigarettes already. I wasn't going to last the 2 weeks before I next got my allowance. And even if I was able to get some cigarettes off my newfound friends, there was no guarantee that I'd be able to last next month. This meant I needed more money. It meant I needed a job.

Well, that would have to wait until tomorrow. Mom would be worried if I got home too late. Fortunately, I'd left tennis practice early, so walking home meant that I got home at about the same time as I normally did. Tossing the cigarette stub away a block before I got home, I walked into the house nonchalantly as I always did. Calling out a carefree hello, I went up to my room.

Because I hadn't gone to most of the classes, I had no homework. That was a relief. I could lose myself playing mindless computer games instead. Pulling up some first-person shooting game, I whiled away several hours putting bullets into zombies. It was a better alternative than thinking about certain events of the weekend.

Skipping school, I discovered, left me with a lot of time to do other things. My new friends even taught me how to sneak off the campus without getting caught. We spent the first trip at the park, but Maya promised me that they often went to more exciting places. To me, the park was fine as well. It was a much better place to smoke and drink.

I also learned that I enjoyed drinking alcohol. Beer was fast becoming my favorite drink. Although it did tend to dull the senses, if you smoked a cigarette at about the same time, the effects would balance out. What I liked to do was drink alcohol first, getting a little buzzed, then smoke a cigarette and emerge energized and clearheaded again.

My marks were going down the drain, but I didn't care. I was having fun with my friends, drinking and smoking, and we were having the time of our lives. Besides, thanks to Seigaku's ladder system, I'd go through to the high school anyways. I didn't care what happened.

During the weekend, I went out and found a job. Nothing major. Just stacking stuff in a corner store. But fortunately, the owner didn't mind if I took a couple of cigarette packs once in a while, since I worked there now. It was perfect.

I still couldn't forget Ann though, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't believe I still loved her. Was I really that masochistic? But the fact remained that she continued to appear in my mind at the most inopportune moments. I was smoking more and more, rather than less and less the way I had intended. It became so bad that I couldn't go for more than a few hours without a cigarette. I'd often wake up in the middle of the night craving a cigarette after yet another nightmare about the breakup.

With the cigarettes making me jumpy, the alcohol dulling my senses, and the lack of sleep slowing my reflexes, my behavior was getting worse and worse, not to mention my tennis skills. Tezuka was becoming extremely frustrated with my performance at practices, but since there were no more matches, he couldn't kick me off the regulars, and nobody wanted to kick me off the team. For the time being, he let me stay, but I could tell that he was growing more and more pissed.

Echizen was also becoming surprisingly persistent. He kept asking me what was wrong, and why I was acting so strangely. He was also perhaps the only person to notice that I was no longer eating lunch, and was slowly losing weight. I kept waving it off, pushing him away in annoyance. It bothered me to know that someone might still notice if I was acting strangely. Not only that, but every time I saw him, I was reminded of all my crimes, my pain. I couldn't bear to see him worrying over me like that, so I pushed him away time and time again.

But I couldn't hide for long. Finally, the truth came to light.

*** To be continued…


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